This Ruined Puzzle
by smittenbyfiction
Summary: Post Season 7  with my own spin on things   - Let's say Lexie's pregnant. She hasn't ever been with Jackson. But a one night stand with an ex-boyfriend ends up complicating her life a lot more, when that ex-boyfriend is raising a baby. Not with her.
1. Chapter 1

_Coupling: Mark/Lexie, Callie/Arizona, Meredith/Derek._

_Description: What if Lexie finds out she's pregnant? And she decides to go away for a while? What if Lexie's pregnancy puts her life at stake? Will Mark be able to help her, or will she attempt to do this all on her own?_

_Background Information: Based after season 7 - Sort of? With my own spin on everything. Mark has Sofia with Callie & Arizona who are having a hard time adjusting to parenthood and mending their relationship. A little while after Sofia was born, Mark & Lexie slept together again, she wasn't ever with Jackson (gag me, I hate him and their relationship). But they are not together. Meanwhile, Derek & Meredith are separated raising baby Zola._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's or any of the characters, blah blah blah. You guys know the drill._

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><p>"Lexie you need to bring your stress levels down. I'm serious. It's a wonder you even made it this far in your pregnancy with how high your blood level has been, you're at a serious risk for preeclampsia and with how high risk your pregnancy is anyway with the placenta previa, we need to really reel this in before it gets any worse," Dr. Todd Greenway said as he sat down and watched his patient subconsciously rub her hands up and down her stomach.<p>

"I know," Lexie responds feeling her eyes water and throat clench at the thought of losing her baby. She hadn't even wanted to be pregnant. She hadn't wanted this. Any of this. For another ten years, _at least_. And she definitely hadn't planned on going at it alone, broke, and dangling the welfare of her unborn child in the process of her emotional instability.

"You're past the first trimester, so the good news is that most of miscarriages happen during this period, so you're out of hot water a little, but we need to do something otherwise you're at risk of preterm labor, I'm going to suggest you be put on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy," Dr. Greenway says as he writes down his instructions on the computer in front of him and turns around expecting to hear grumbling or arguing from her but is surprised to see her just nodding in agreement.

"Okay," Lexie nods in acceptance. She was only 16 weeks along in her pregnancy, she hadn't found out until she was already 12 weeks, so she'd only had a month to wrap her head around the fact that she was pregnant.

She was pregnant with Mark's baby.

Mark Sloan, her ex-boyfriend who was currently on paternity leave taking care of his two month old baby girl with his ex-girlfriend slash lesbian best-friend, slash mother-of-his-child Callie Torres.

She missed her entire first trimester. She hadn't even noticed she hadn't had her period. She had always been irregular. It wasn't a big deal for it to just come and go for a few months at a time.

God, her life was so ironic. This was the big thing keeping her and Mark apart. They were at different places in their lives. Babies versus no babies. She wanted a career, he wanted a family. It was that simple.

Only when it came time for her to make the easy medical decision to terminate her pregnancy go back to her not so complicated life that did **not** include bottles, and diapers, and breast milk, and formula, and sleepless crying nights, suddenly, it wasn't all that simple anymore. Suddenly all the bullshit medical pamphlet, terminology she had learned in med school about abortions, women's-right-to-choose, it's not a human being till it's past 20 weeks, _blah, blah, blah_ just sounded like a load of horse shit.

She couldn't go through with it. She heard the heartbeat and she was done. This was her and Mark's baby. She was a goner as soon as that stick turned up with two lines instead of one, completely turning her life and her world upside down, she was a freaking goner.

She couldn't do it.

And now she was sitting here, holding her bigger than a peanut, smaller than an olive looking fetus's ultrasound picture, in an OBGYN's office that specialized in high-risk pregnancies because she'd stressed herself out so much that now her baby was stressed too. She was already turning her baby into a neurotic nut case, just like she was! She wasn't fit to be a mom. She couldn't do this by herself. She needed help.

She needed to get out of Seattle.

There's no way she would be able to bring her stress level down around here. She needed to be away for a while. Her and her baby's life depended on it.

"Do you have any doctors you can to me near Santa Barbara? I'm going to take a leave of absence from work until the baby's born, and that's the most relaxing place I can think of that I have family near," Lexie asks looking up seeing a sigh of relief leave Dr. Greenway's mouth as his eyes crinkled up with his smile.

"Of course, I'll go take care of it right now, you just give me a few minutes," he says, getting up and patting her knee before leaving the room.

Now she understood why her mother had specified for them not to sell that family vacation home in her will. Because life doesn't always happen according to a timetable or calendar. And feelings can't be scheduled. As if she had known Lexie would have needed an escape route sometime in the future, Lexie looks up before speaking out loud in the empty room as she feels a sense of impending relief, "Thanks mom."

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><p>"Is that it?" Mark asks looking around at the last few boxes he'd help Derek pack out of the house him and Meredith shared with Lexie. He couldn't believe they were separating. But he was in no position to judge his friend, he was the last person to tell him what to do with his relationship with Grey. God knows he'd fucked up the one he'd had with Lexie enough, he didn't need to put his 2 cents in with Derek and Meredith's marriage.<p>

"Yeah, for now" Derek says taking his key and trying to figure out where to put it so Meredith would see it when she got home.

"Okay, I'll finish loading it everything you just, see if you missed anything," Mark says as he grabs the last box and takes it to the SUV he'd recently purchased in order to make more room for a car seat for Sofia. Man, it was crazy how much his life and priorities had changed since she became a part of his life. As much as he loved his daughter to death, he'd wished he'd had more time to prepare for all of the emotional turmoil he'd been put through because of the complication that was brought along with everything. He'd felt beaten down.

Then, as if the world was playing a joke on him he sees Meredith, Lexie and Zola arrive and get out of the car not realizing he was standing by the SUV that was parked across the street from the house, watching them go inside. He sees Lexie wave Meredith inside as she opens the back door and grabs Zola out of her car seat, carrying her inside gently as Zola lays her head on Lexie's chest fast asleep, as if their trip had worn the little girl out. Feeling his eyes on her, Lexie looks up and makes eye contact with Mark, who doesn't budge watching how gentle she was with her nice making his stomach churn at the picture in front of him. He'd always known she'd make an amazing mother. She was one of the kindest, most warm-hearted people he'd ever known. Watching her with Zola just reinforced the fact that she hadn't wanted to have a family with him, making his feelings of inadequacy and bitterness resurface. He watches as she shakes her head in sadness, and starts to make her way to the house turning her back to him.

He watches Meredith cross her arms defiantly and refuse to take the key from Derek, standing on the porch. As Lexie approaches with Zola, they both quiet down and watch her walk inside to put her down in her crib up in the room they had decorated for her upstairs. He walks up to grab some more boxes that he saw in the living room, walking past Meredith and Derek as they continue to argue. Lexie makes her way back down the stairs quietly and slowly as if she was wary about being in the tension filled environment, or in the same room as him. As he walks towards the living room and sees five or six more larger boxes he sighs in annoyance. There was no way all this stuff was going to fit in his car now with all the stuff they had in there already. They were going to have to make another trip.

"Hey guys, sorry to interrupt -"

"What is it Mark?" Derek asks, stepping away from Meredith with a look of relief on his face as if he was glad for the time-out.

"There's no way we can fit all those boxes in there now, we're going to have to make another trip," he says looking uncomfortable at the look of annoyance on Derek's face.

Meredith just look frustrated before taking the key from Derek's hand angrily and looking at Mark, "That's not his. Those boxes are Lexie's. So you're done here. You're both done here."

"_Oh_, is she getting her own place?" Derek looked up curiously, asking what he knew Mark wouldn't.

"Oh_ now_ you wanna talk?" Meredith responds snappily. Derek just sighs as if their interaction had worn him thin, while Mark sat back and tried to figure out why Lexie would need to box up her stuff unless she was moving out of Meredith's house. And he couldn't figure out why she'd move out of Meredith's house when Zola arriving and Derek leaving had all happened to coincide in her sister's life at the same time. It didn't seem like something she would do. But then, how well did he really know her? "Look what Lexie does is none of your business," Meredith finishes, looking directly at Mark, as if she'd known Derek had only said anything for his benefit.

"_Mer,_"

Everyone looks back at the soft voice of Lexie interrupting the tension filled conversation on the porch, finally Mark sees how pale and fragile she looked up close. With dark bags under her eyes, she was wearing a sweater that overwhelmed her petite figure making her look as if the wind could tip her over at any minute.

"Lex. Are you alright?" Meredith asks as she pushes her way through Mark and Derek, and grabs Lexie's hand, turning her palm up as if she was feeling her pulse. Worriedly she puts her hand on her forehead.

"I'm not feeling well," she says, her eyes watering as she tries to hold herself up but feels her knees start to buckle weakly. Meredith grabs her by the waist before she could fully buckle to the ground ignoring the worried looks Mark and Derek were sending her way. They watch as Meredith lays Lexie on the couch before grabbing a doppler machine and her blood pressure cuff meter and sit on the couch next to her. As if he was watching everything in slow motion, he watched as Lexie opened her cardigan, and lifted up her t-shirt showing a bulging stomach that could only mean one thing.

She was pregnant.

His Lexie was pregnant.

And from the very worried glances, and rushed preparedness that had come from Meredith's reaction the last few minutes, she wasn't having a good pregnancy from the looks of it

He watches as Lexie's one arm is thrown over her closed eyes in what looks to be exhaustion. Meredith puts the cuff on Lexie's other arm and starts listening through her stethoscope for her pulse as she releases the air. "100 over 60," Meredith says worriedly, taking the stethoscope off and removing the cuff, then grabbing the doppler and squeezing some gel on Lexie's stomach before searching around for a heartbeat. She feels Lexie's hand guide her to her lower right side and feels a sense of relief as the strong_ "thump. thump. thump. thump."_ sound generates in the room causing everyone to release breaths they didn't know they were holding. "He likes to hide down there right after lunch, close to my bladder." Lexie explains giving Meredith a smile and squeezing her hand in unspoken thanks.

"He?" Meredith replies questioningly with a small smile on her face. The bond between the two sisters had strengthened immensely in the last few months, she knew exactly what people were talking about now when they talked about a bond between family, something she'd never had until Lexie came along.

Lexie shrugs as Meredith hands her some paper towels and baby wipes to clean her stomach off, "Mother's instinct." She answers quietly before pulling her shirt back down and putting her sweater back on.

"I'm going to call Dr. Greenway, you stay put - okay?"

Just as Lexie nods in agreement everyone hears Zola start crying through the monitor and looks up the stairs awkwardly.

"Shit"

Meredith mumbles as she starts to put her equipment away and looks up the stairs trying to figure out what she was going to do first, just then Derek speaks up walking towards the stairs out of the living room, "I'll go get her."

"Thanks," Meredith says as she walks towards the kitchen to grab Dr. Greenway's number. "You leave her alone," Meredith says pointing at Mark before leaving the room as an air of tension remains with Lexie and Mark alone in the living room.

The silence crackled with a mixture of anger, confusion, and tension as Mark seemed to stand like a statue watching as Lexie closed her eyes trying to keep herself calm. He paused and opened his mouth slightly, like he wanted to say something else, but no words came out. He felt as if he was in some alternate reality, as if the world was playing a cruel joke on him. Was this really happening?

"You don't have to stand in here Mark, you've made it perfectly clear that we're none of you're concern so you can go," Lexie says sitting up on her elbows watching the look of discomfort that had been obvious on her ex-boyfriend's face since she lifted up her shirt. She was so exhausted but she knew she had to be strong for her baby, that was the only reason she hadn't burst into tears since this whole thing had happened in front of Mark. This was definitely not how she'd imagined they'd see each other again, especially after he refused to see her and sent Callie to her apartment to tell her that he wasn't interested in being a part of her life. Or her child's.

Now **that** was surprising.

She'd never took Mark for someone who would abandon her during her pregnancy, even if they weren't together, she'd always thought he would have wanted to be there for their child but she thought wrong. Now that he had Sofia, he'd already had a child, he didn't need any others complicating his relationship with his daughter. Especially not one that was an accident. That was how Callie put it wasn't it? That Lexie and the baby were_ an accident_._ A complication. A bump on the road._

Her eyes water as she swallows a dry lump that had made its way to her throat.

"What are you talking about?" Mark finally manages to whisper out as he speaks, his eyes never leaving the bump on her stomach that was hidden before, now seemed to be glowing in plain sight. It was a wonder he hadn't noticed it earlier.

"Are you joking?" Lexie asks flabbergasted, shaking her head in anger. "I never pictured you for a coward Mark. Sending Callie to do your dirty work for you? Bravo. That's a new low. Even for you. But I'm the idiot here aren't i? Always trying to see the best in people, even when it's not there. _Good job Lexie_. Not making that mistake again. You can leave now."

"_**Lexie.**_ I honest to god have no idea what you are talking about right now." Mark says watching as she sits up and glares at him, he could swear he felt the anger radiating off her in waves.

"Playing stupid isn't going to get you anywhere Mark. Go back to your family. How did Callie say it? _Your real family_. That's right. We'll be fine without you. I'm sure you won't be losing any sleep over any of this," she responds motioning towards her stomach as she lays back down and closes her eyes taking a breath trying to relax herself again. Tears start streaming down her face as her angry facade starts breaking down, Mark takes a step forward but stops when she puts her hand up, "Please, just go Mark. I can't do this with you here right now. You're just making it harder for me and the baby to let you go, _so please - just leave,"_ Lexie says, as her voice breaks with uncertainty.

He steps away from her and runs out of the house, ignoring Derek's shouts as he gets in the car and heads over to Callie's house.

From what Lexie had ripped his head off about before she burst into tears, it became evident that Callie knew a lot more about this mysterious situation than he did. A lot more. He was going to find out why, and exactly what was going on here. The truth was hidden somewhere between the lines and he was scared of what would happen once everything was out in the open.

Because the worst thing the truth can do is when you finally tell it, it doesn't set you free, but locks you away forever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Thank you_ loads and loads and loads_ to all my reviewers and all my fans. I don't think I've ever received as much positive feedback from any of my stories as I have from this one, and I want you guys to know that I sincerely appreciate it. It really makes it a big motivator for me to hurry up and get new chapters out the more you guys respond.**

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><p>Mark never thought he'd be as hurt, angry and confused as he was right at this moment as he parked his car in front of Callie's place. He kept trying to piece together how he had missed all of this happening. Was he <em>that<em> stuck in his own world that he hadn't thought to even wonder why Lexie had disappeared for the past few months? He hadn't seen any signs of Lexie being pregnant. _Or hurt_. But then again, he hadn't seen much of Lexie had he? With him being on paternity leave and trying to spend as much time with Sofia as possible, he had made sure to make himself scarce.

_What had Callie done?_ He kept thinking to himself, she wouldn't do something stupid that would hurt him or Lexie or their unborn child, would she? She's a mother. Granted, she'd been having a rough time adjusting to motherhood, but he'd been told it was perfectly normal. Especially for someone like Callie who wasn't used to being tied down and having responsibilities other than her job. It would take them a while, but they would find a balance for him and Sofia's sake. They'd discussed all of this during the pregnancy, Callie seemed overjoyed at the thought of being a parent. He didn't know what had changed in the last year, but his friend had become someone he barely recognized.

"Callie?" Mark says out loud after he walks in her apartment that wasn't locked. He'd tried knocking but after no response, he tried the doorknob which just came open causing him some concern. "Callie?" he tries again as he walks through the living room towards the bedroom. Before he could reach it though, he hears a familiar cry from upstairs, and rushes to see his daughter.

As he walked in he sees his daughter crying, red-faced, alone in her crib but she abruptly quiets down when she sees him standing over her, and begins looking at him curiously. Other than Callie's hair and beautiful skin color, Sofia was a Sloan through and through. Her features were defined but delicate, and her blue eyes were enough to make him weak in the knees in a split second. "Hey pretty girl.." Mark says soothingly as he picks Sofia up and the red color from her face starts to go away. He rubs her back in small circles, something he'd discovered early on she'd loved, causing her to sigh and lay her head on his chest latches on to his finger with her tiny fist, in a way of greeting him he assumes as he lays her down on the changing table attached to the crib. As he begins to change her he notices the dark red diaper rash that had yet again made its way onto her bottom, and shakes his head in annoyance Didn't the last one_ just heal_ after he dropped her off yesterday?

How hard was it to keep her diaper clean every couple of hours? He noticed her poop was more and more liquid, leaning him to believe she'd been having diarrhea.

_Yet another thing for him to worry about._

He felt like such an overbearing parent, but he couldn't help it. When it came to his baby girl, all his medical training seemed to leave his head and he just turned into one of those idiotic parents he used to make fun of between the halls with his peers.

Shaking his thoughts out of his head he finishes dressing her in a new, clean outfit and picks her up to take her down and grab her a bottle. As he gets to the kitchen he buckles her up in her high chair before fumbling around the ridge until he sees the breast milk in the labeled containers with dates on them. Grabbing a few out of the fridge, he opens one up and rather than smelling the slightly sweeter smell of breast milk, he smells a darker, musky oder out of the bottle causing him to subconsciously start gagging.

"Nasty," he mumbles to himself giving up on the breast milk, dumping it down the drain before searching around the cabinets for some formula he'd kept around here for 'just in case' purposes. Right then, Callie walks in looking like she'd been through a tornado with dark bags under her eyes, scrub pants and a wrinkled plain t-shirt.

"Mark, oh thank god!" she exclaims, looking relieved to see him. "I have to go to work and Arizona got stuck at the hospital. And after she spent the entire day and night crying at the daycare and here at home I doubt they'll take Sofia back today - so can you take her?" she asks him taking a sniff of the coffee that had sitting in the coffee pot. Shrugging her shoulder in a gesture of indifference, she pours it in her cup before looking up to see Mark taking Sofia out of the high chair.

"Sure. - Callie, where's the formula?" he asks sitting in front of Sofia, taking her out of the chair. He hadn't found anything to feed her with yet and rom the looks of it he was going to have to go out and stock them up with things. Again.

"Oh we're out, Arizona brought some samples home they're in the drawer behind you," she says waving her free hand to the cabinets underneath where he was just searching. "Why didn't you just grab some breast milk that is in the fridge?"

"It smelled weird so I threw it out," Mark says, watching from the corner of her eye as she looked uncomfortable at that statement. Making a mental note to keep an eye on her, Mark finally finds the formula and begins to make the bottle using one hand, his other arm occupied with holding his little girl who perked up at the sound of him shaking the bottle to mix the warm water and formula. Laying her down in her playpen with her bottle, he walks into the kitchen determined to get some answers out of Callie.

He'd come over to talk to her about Lexie, but he hadn't expected to be distracted under more problems with how well Sofia had been taken care of under Callie's care. He knew they were having a rough time connecting, but he wasn't stupid. It seemed as though Callie wasn't even trying anymore, she acted more like a babysitter than a parent at this point.

"I need to talk to you," Mark says leaning back against the counters across from where Callie was standing, making them stare right at one another. "And I need you to be straight with me," he finishes, crossing his arms - a sign that he wasn't budging or going anywhere until this topic was discussed.

The clear, definitive tone in his voice made Callie stop drinking her coffee and straighten up at the serious look on Mark's face.

Deciding not to jump around the topic, he comes right out and says it. "What did you say to Lexie to make her thing that I didn't want to be involved in her pregnancy?"

Suddenly, as if the room had lost all its oxygen, Mark watches all the color drain out of Callie's face and her mouth drop open in shock. She'd released her coffee cup in the midst of all this, the crashing of the glass on the floor startling Sofia, who began to wail at the sudden loud noise in the room. RIght then and there, without her even saying anything - Mark had realized that Lexie was right. Callie had intervened in his life in a way that was unforgivable to him. As he stepped out of the room to pick up Sofia and calm her down, giving Callie a moment to gather her thoughts, he became angrier and angrier. Lexie's words had been repeating themselves in his head, like something out of a crazy film stuck on a loop. He walks back in the kitchen after putting Sofia back down, and Callie clears her throat before speaking up.

"…. How did. _Um,_ - _how did_ you .. -?

"Find out?" he finishes for her.

Callie nods silently, getting more and more nauseous by the minute.

"She told me," he finishes seeing a look of surprise come over her features. "She didn't realize she did, but when she started bitting my head off about how I sent you to do my dirty work, about how I'd said I didn't want to see her or her baby. **Our baby**. That I was happy with just you and Sofia, I kind of put two and two together."

The silence in the room was crackling with tension as Mark stared Callie down.

"You need to understand where I was coming from Mark," Callie responded - quietly, and hesitantly as she noticed his anger hadn't lessened any. Mark didn't show anger the way most people did. By lashing out and getting emotional. No, he was calm - stoic even, in a way that made him cold and completely unreadable. As if a mask of indifference came over him. "And she said that you know, it was a high risk pregnancy so who knows if her and that baby are even going to make it. And you already have Sofia to focus on, and -"

"_**You?**_" Mark finishes her sentence again, this time his harsh tone making her take a step back. "I have _you_ right? Isn't that what you were going to say?"

The way he said the last part, as if he thought the possibility of the two of them was hilarious made her angry.

"You've got some nerve, Callie - you really do," he says, shaking his head and chuckling. "You're with Arizona. A woman. We slept together, when I was intoxicated. Trust me, neither one of us would have ever done anything had we been sober. And the only reason I don't regret that happening is because of that little girl in the other room, otherwise, I would regret that too."

She opens her mouth to debate it but quickly shuts it, shaking her head in anger.

"You don't understand Mark," Callie says shaking her head, everything that she'd been holding in for the last three months finally boiling up to the surface. "You don't get it. I don't know how to do_ this_, how to be a mom, how to balance being a surgeon when I'm exhausted all the time. And I know I'm supposed to have this weird motherly bond with Sofia but_** I don't.**_ I just - feel like I'm taking care of her counting down the minutes till you can finally come and pick her up. I thought that the more time went by the better it would get, but it's just getting _worse._ She's getting more demanding, and _I need…_-" Her voice crackles at the end as tears fall from her eyes, "_I need a break_. I feel like I'm not ready, and I don't know_ when_ I'll be ready. But I need you to understand that, I didn't want Lexie and her baby to all of the sudden become your priority and you just leave us in the dust when we need you too. Sofia needs you, because **I can't** be there for her right now."

Tears streaming down her face, Callie sees a look of astonishment come over Mark's features as if he couldn't comprehend what had just happened. She didn't blame him, she'd been holding this in for a while so he probably thought she'd thrown this all out at him out of nowhere. She felt like she just went through the pregnancy mostly for him, not even for her own sake. She didn't want kids. She never wanted this. She tried to convince herself that she did for the last year, she made sure to be an active participant in her pregnancy but she never felt connected to her daughter. _God, she was a horrible person_. She thought coming clean with Mark would make her feel some kind of relief but it didn't.

The problem with coming clean was that she thought she was clearing the state, starting over, but it never quite worked that way. It didn't erase what she'd done...the stain would still be there, every time he looked at her, before he remembered to hide the disappointment in his eyes.

"Okay," Mark says taking a deep breath trying to process what all had just happened. He felt like his whole world had turned upside down and it wasn't even noon yet.

"Okay," he repeats himself, a little dizzy as his mind was running a million miles an hour trying to process everything. "What do you want me to do Callie?"

Taking a deep breath, Callie looks up at him then quickly looks back down evading eye contact, "I want you to have full custody of her. Just - until I can get my head on straight. Then we can figure something else out."

"She's not a dog Callie, you can't just pull her back and forth until you're ready to take care of her," Mark snaps back at her watching her flinch at the harsh tone his voice had taken.

"I know Mark, but I can't take care of her right now._ I can't even take care of myself right now_!" Callie exclaims motioning towards her disheveled appearance.

Shaking his head, he couldn't believe this was even happening right now he grabs his keys off the counter behind him. "I'll call the attorneys today and have them draw up papers. I'll let you know when you need to come by and sign them."

He says walking into the living room, picking Sofia up and standing on the doorway as Callie watches them leave.

"For what it's worth Mark," Callie starts speaking quietly causing him to stop walking but not turn around to face her making her speak to his back. "I'm really sorry. For everything."

Not acknowledging that she had spoken to him other than the fact that he'd stopped, he keeps walking back to his car as Callie watches him buckle Sophia up in her car seat, and drive away giving her a feeling of relief and guilt at the same time.

She knew Sofia was in good hands with Mark.

That's all the mattered. People could say whatever they wanted about her, but her daughter would be taken care of with Mark. She knew that.

And she realized that, that was the first motherly thing she'd done for Sofia since she'd had her.

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><p>"Okay, we can do this," Mark says out loud as he drives up to Meredith's house and parks his car. Hearing Sofia coo in agreement in the background, he feels his heart start to constrict in his chest and he starts to realize the gravity of everything that had just happened. He was a single dad. It was just him and his daughter now. "We - <em>can do… this<em>" he repeats his voice cracking a little at the end, his emotions finally starting to get the best of him as he feels his chest getting tighter and tighter, tears starting to sting his eyes as they water.

He takes another deep breath trying to calm his emotions, deciding to get out of the car he gets out and gets Sophia out of the car from her car seat in the back. As he starts to make his way up to the house, he doesn't notice the pair of blue eyes watching him from the attic.

"Mark!" Derek exclaims as he sees his friend enter the house, getting up from the couch to greet him at the front door. Noticing the red eyes and tear stained face, and the fact that Mark was holding a sleeping Sofia he gives him a look of confusion. "Isn't it Callie's weekend with her?" he whispers, brushing his hand softly on Sofia's hair.

Mark nods in agreement, walking further into the house until he reached the kitchen seeing Meredith cutting up some fruit he guessed was for Zola. She looks up when he walks in, giving him a look of surprise, but smiling when she sees a sleeping Sofia nestled in his chest.

"Can I put her down in Zola's crib?" Mark asks whispering. Seeing Meredith nodding, he heads upstairs and gently lays Sofia down in the crib, watching as she made small sounds of protest through her sleeping state until he put her soft blanket on top of her. She grabs part of the blanket between her arms, as if she was hugging the blanket the same way she'd been wrapped around Mark - then she finally settles down and stays in her deep slumber.

As he's leaving the room he grabs the monitor and gently closes the door. Stopping dead in his tracks, he sees Lexie standing by the stairs looking at him.

"Should you be out of bed?" he whispers, his eyes taking in her appearance in her tank top and leggings, her pregnancy stood out making his heart beat faster than he would have liked. That was his baby in there. **_No_**, t_heir baby._ He'd dreamed about having a family with her for so long it seemed, but not under these circumstances. He thought they'd be married, in love, and both excited. Definitely not complicated way they were trying to go about it right now.

"I'm fine," Lexie answers back, wearily watching him and wondering what he was doing here with his daughter. "_I'm sorry._ About yelling at you earlier. It wasn't fair to you, I was just - stressed and emotional and taking it out on you," she finishes, looking down uncomfortably. She felt guilty after watching him run out of the house earlier, and letting her anger get the best of her. She really was trying to be the bigger person, and let him go - it just hadn't been as easy as she'd hoped.

Mark walks up to her putting his hand on her cheek gently watching as she subconsciously leaned into him, thanking god she didn't flinch or back away from him when he touched her.

"Don't be sorry. You were angry, rightfully so. I just," he sighs trying to figure out how to explain to her everything that had happened to him in the last few hours. His whole world had just been turned upside down, and he was about to do the same to her. "I just really had no idea what you were talking about Lex," he finishes watching as a look of confusion comes over her face. "Can we talk about this somewhere else? Preferably where you're sitting or laying down so I don't have to worry," he asks making sure to finish the sentence with a small smile, his way of waving a white flag.

Still unsure about what was going on, Lexie nodded in agreement watching as he followed her to her room. She had no idea how things had gotten so complicated between them. It had never occurred to her that their lives, which had been so closely interwoven for so long, could unravel with such speed and velocity.

If she would have known, maybe she would have kept tighter hold of everything and not let unseen tides pull them apart.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry about the long wait! Um, midterms are coming up so I've been swamped with school work! Please review if you read it. For those of you who are waiting on my other story, "Five Stages of Grief" it's coming soon too! And thanks for being so patient you guys! :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: One Month Later…<strong>

"I still can't believe you just left him after all that," Sadie says as she sits beside Lexie and listens to her finish telling her everything that had happened between her and Mark the last few months.

"Me either," Lexie just responds quietly as they both watch the waves calm down from the porch of their beachside estate. She'd been in California for a month, but between bed rest, continuous doctor check ups, and being away from Mark and Meredith and everyone, it was starting to feel like a lifetime. "I talked to Meredith this morning, she said her and Zola might come down for a visit soon."

"What about him?" Saide asks watching how in a split second a wave of emotions came and went from her friend's face.

"I still love him Sadie," Lexie says quietly as she wraps the blanket she had tighter around herself.

The silence that followed that statement was all the answer Sadie needed to know Lexie wasn't ready to talk to him yet. But she'd been babying Lexie for the past month, and to be honest she was getting kind of annoyed at this point. Lexie wasn't ever one to be so despondent and to just take things lying down. She was a fighter. Her Lexie was feisty, and determined, and went after what she wanted. Like the day when she showed up in Mark Sloan's room, unannounced, took her clothes off and told him to teach her. That was her Lexie.

God, she laughed so hard after she told her that at the beginning of her and Mark's relationship. She liked the person Lexie was when she was with Mark. Lexie was just scared this time around. Mark needed to be the strong one this time. He needed to fight for her, but she knew Lexie wasn't making it easy for him. She had a wall so high up, it was impossible to see through it - to see the real her.

"So why are you still here?"

Turning her head quickly at her friend, Lexie watched Sadie give her a look letting her know she wasn't budging.

"What do you mean? My doctor's here, and you're here. Where else would I be?" Lexie asks quietly, avoiding the real topic on hand.

"That's bullshit Lexie. And you know it. Mark's not here. And there are neonatologist specialists all over the country, so it's not as if you have to be here in California… Why do you want to do this without him?"

The last question feels like a slap on the face for Lexie, just like when Mark insinuated that she didn't care enough about him to let him know she was leaving.

"I don't _want_ to do anything without him!" Lexie yells back, as she feels tears start to well up in her eyes.

"Then what are you doing here?" Sadie repeats, taking Lexie's hand in a sign of comfort.

Lexie squeezes her eyes shut and whispers, as if she was terrified of saying the words out loud. "I don't want to hurt her, Sadie."

Giving her a look of confusion, she keeps her hand encased in hers before asking, "Hurt who?"

"Sofia."

"Why would you hurt her?" Sadie asks, wondering what Mark and Callie's daughter had to do with this. Well Mark's daughter now, from what she understood since Callie bailed on the situation already.

"Because," Lexie starts speaking again, taking her hand away and leaning back against the chair. "I don't know if I can love her like I'd love my own child with Mark. And I know that's a terrible thing to say! That probably makes me the worst person on this planet, including Callie - but I don't know right now… And I don't want her to ever feel as if she's second best to anyone or anything. I'm not going to put Mark or Sofia in that situation. I want him and Sofia to have that bond that all daughters have with their dad, maybe one day she can even have a good relationship with Callie again but - I don't know if I'm a big enough person to raise someone else's child with him."

After a few minutes of silence to soak in everything that had been just said, Sadie just shakes her head as if she wasn't taking that for an answer.

"I'm sorry, what?" Sadie asks with a look of disbelief on her face. "That's ridiculous Lexie, you're one of the most big hearted people on this planet. Almost close to saint-like status, actually," she mumbles the last part causing Lexie to smile a little at her and her friend's longtime joke.

"No, no- I'm not," she shakes her head and her smile fades away.

"Yes you are. Lexie, you love Sofia already," Sadie smiles at her, not understanding how her friend wasn't seeing what was already in front of her. "What did you do when Mark told you what Callie had done? What did you feel?"

Frowning at Sadie, not seeing where the point of the question was leading them to,"Well I felt angry. That Callie could just - push her aside like she didn't mean anything to her. And I felt sad, for Sofia, to have to live knowing that her mom wasn't capable of taking care of her."

Nodding for her to keep going, "What else?" Sadie asks her watching as Lexie bit her lip in nervousness. "Lex?"

"I just - thought that, you know - that, if she was my daughter I, _uh_- I never could have done that to her."

Pursing her lips as she realizes what Sadie had just managed to do in the last few minutes, Lexie just looks back up at her friend with a look of disbelief.

"Genes aren't what make a parent Lexie," Sadie says looking at her friend as Lexie keeps looking back at her in shock. "I should know. Biology is the least important factor when it comes to making a family. My mom always told me that the only difference between me and my brothers and sisters was that I grew inside her heart instead of inside her tummy."

Lexie's eyes water as she hears her friend share those last few words with her. If anyone should understand her hesitations she had known it would have been Sadie. Coming from a mixed family herself, Sadie was proud of the fact that her and her siblings were some adopted, some biological and some foster children. Her family was a family, it didn't matter that they all didn't share genetics, they all still shared one heart.

"Sadie?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I need to go home."

Lexie looks back up at her friend as Sadie squeezes her hand in understanding.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

As they head back inside, an idea pops into Lexie's head causing her to speed up her walking and Sadie to just give her a look of confusion.

"I think I need to make a phone call before we start getting ready to go," Lexie says giving Sadie a smile she hadn't seen on her friend's face in a long time. Nodding at her, they sit on the couch inside the house as Sadie hands her the phone. The woman on the other end, Sadie realized, was just the person they needed to help everything smooth itself along now.

* * *

><p>Carolynn Shepherd knew when something was up with her boys. Those two always drove her insane with their stubbornness and inability to ask for help or admit they were wrong. They might insist that they're nothing alike but she knew better. Deep down, they had the same bullheaded traits her husband did. And like with her husband, she liked to let them think they were in charge, while she stood in the background unbeknownst to them, quietly assessing their every move. Her mother had always told her '<em>men may be the head of the household, but women are the neck, and we can turn the head any way we want.<em>' Well, she wasn't about to watch them both ruin their lives while she stood back and did nothing. After Lexie had called and told her that Mark needed her right now, she didn't give her too many details but she knew they weren't together and Lexie was concerned about him. That was all that it took to get her bags packed and a red-eye ticket ready to go within two hours. It was time for her to step in, and turn their heads in the right direction.

As she lifts her hand to knock on the door at Derek's house, the door opens before she has a chance to do it. In front of her is a bewildered looking Meredith holding baby Zola who was in just a diaper and crying her eyes out.

"Mrs. Shepherd." Meredith breathes out in shock as she watches her mother-in-law give her the famous Shepherd smile/smirk combination. "What are you doing here?" she squeals nervously.

"I came to visit my new grandbaby," she says making a cooing sound at Zola who immediately quiets down as she stares at her grandma in curiosity. "And please, Meredith. We're family, call me Carolynn."

Nodding and swallowing the knot that had started to form in her throat, Meredith watches as Zola instinctively reaches for Carolynn and the two bond as immediately as Zola and Derek did when they first met. Carolynn's voice breaks her out of her daze, as she walks inside Meredith's house. "Get my bags for me, would you dear?" she asks, and walks away before giving Meredith a chance to respond. Shaking her head in annoyance, Meredith just pulls her bags inside the foyer before stepping in the living room and watching as Zola struggles to keep her eyes open and Carolynn rubs her back in small circles. She can hear Carolynn reciting the Cat in the Hat quietly to her daughter, who seemed to be lulled to sleep by the comforting actions her grandmother had managed to bring in the last five minutes.

And to think, she'd been trying to put her down for the last hour with no luck.

God, was she the only one who had no idea what the heck she was doing?

"Why don't you go freshen up dear? I've got her," Carolynn says motioning towards Meredith's disheveled appearance that was a mixture of baby food, spit up, and sleep deprivation.

Nodding in thanks, Meredith heads up to her room, her mind still swirling in confusion.

What the heck was going on here?

* * *

><p><em>[Flashback]<em>

_Walking into Lexie's room, Mark immediately noticed the vast array of scrap-booking materials and pictures that were scattered on the bed. Nearby there was a fetal monitor, ultrasound machine and blood pressure cuff, some water bottles and saltines - it all of the sudden hit him how real all of this was. How much of Lexie's life was at stake right now, made it all of the sudden much harder for him to watch her start sit down and clear some space for him to sit by her._

_"Mark?" Lexie asks looking at him, curiously. He'd been pale and staring off into space since they'd gotten into her room, causing her to be somewhat concerned. "Are you sure you're alright?"_

_Nodding quickly as he snapped out of his daze, "Yeah," he whispers quietly swallowing the nausea that had overtaken him as he watched her still stare at him as if she didn't quite believe him. "I just - " he starts to speak, not quite knowing what to say about where his head was at, he just motions to all the medical equipment nearby, releasing a deep breath he hadn't known he was holding in._

_"Aaaah," Lexie responds nodding her head knowingly as she looks over at all the medical equipment taking over her bed. "Mer's a little overprotective these days," she answers smiling slightly, and leaning back her hands holding on to her stomach in a subconscious protective stance. "It's a lot to take in."_

_"Yeah, it is." Mark answers, looking at the floor in embarrassment. He didn't know where to start this conversation. He knew he had to tell her the truth. But he also knew that throwing her this curveball in the middle of her pregnancy would throw both their worlds out of whack. And while their situation wasn't ideal, it was something they'd both gotten used to. People have always said that 'the truth shall set you free', but he knew that wasn't always the case. The truth didn't always set you free, sometimes, people preferred to believe prettier, neatly wrapped lies._

_"We don't have to talk about this Mark," Lexie says looking at her ex-boyfriend who seemed to be having an internal battle on her bed as they sat in the quiet, tension filled room. Watching as he looks up suddenly, with a look of surprise on his face she just lays her hand lightly on his in a form of comfort. "I already told you, you're off the hook. We're okay. We'll be okay," she finishes, motioning towards her stomach, as if he wasn't a part of the 'we" that she was concerned with._

_Moving his hand quickly away from hers, he just gives her a look of disbelief. "No, I'm not off the hook Lexie. What kind of guy do you think I am?"_

_He watches as she closes her eyes, and leans back against the headrest of the bed in what looks to be a look of defeat. "What do you want from me Mark?" she whispers, her eyes still closed._

_"I want you to believe in me. Like you always have. I'm not going to leave you Lexie. Not when we both need each other the most," Mark responds with a strength and determination in his voice that made her heart feel like it was being squeezed because of all the emotions rushing through her at the moment._

_"I appreciate that Mark, I really do, but I'm not sure Callie would be so quick to be by your side throughout all this and I'm not going to be that person again. I'm not going to make you choose," Lexie whispers, her eyes still watering as she looks at him, starting to let her emotions get the best of her._

_"Callie has no say in what I do with my life Lexie, she took it upon herself to come between us because she can't handle being a mom right now and she didn't want me to abandon her and Sofia for you," Mark says quickly with an angry undertone in his voice that made Lexie concerned._

_Noting the look of confusion on her face, Mark continued - "I just came from her house. She wants to sign away her parental rights to Sofia to me. She said she can't handle being a parent right now, she feels no connection to her daughter, and she feels as though she didn't get what she signed up for."_

_"I'm sorry -what? What do you mean she didn't get what she signed up for? She didn't buy a dog Mark, she had a baby. A baby she carried for nine whole months. How can she just hand her over like that? Doesn't she have a soul?" Lexie rambles looking up at him, her hand shaking slightly at the anger that took over her body as she imagined an innocent baby girl being put through all this trauma at such a young age. Her hands unwillingly tighten around her stomach as she moves them up and down soothingly. Noting the slight smile on Mark's face she snaps at him "What is so funny about this?"_

_Shaking his head as he chuckles at her, he grabs her hand rubbing circles on the back with his thumbs like he knew she loved. "You. You reacted the same way I did when she told me everything a few hours ago." He responds, watching a blush take over her cheeks and travel down her neck. God, he missed her crazy emotional rants, and how easily she blushed at the slightest thing he did._

_"Oh." She squeaks quietly, avoiding looking at his smiling face. She knew he was thinking the same thing she was. That the fact that she thought about his daughter the same way he did, meant a lot more than either one of them were willing to admit at the moment. "You didn't tell her to send me away did you?" Lexie asks him, needing confirmation for what she already had figured out from what he had said about his confrontation with Callie earlier._

_"Never," he whispers his hand making its way to her cheek as he gently turns her face up to him. "I never stopped loving you Lex. I just quit showing it."_

_Holding his hand on her face, she nods silently as she starts to feel her eyes water. Somehow, deep in her heart she had known it wasn't him that was speaking through Callie that day she was confronted with her insecurities about her relationship with Mark. But she needed to cling to whatever explanation she could in order to keep him out of her life, believing that he was the bad guy was easier than her admitting that she had messed everything up between them too much to be able to be fixed. So it had been her._

_Maybe she'd known that all along, and that was why she had run at the first chance she had been given. Because she didn't show weakness; She didn't depend on anyone. And if he had been like the others, and just let her go, she would have been fine. It would have been easy to go on conveniently forgetting about him as she kept her heart clenched tight, away from where anyone could get to it._

_Deciding to break the moment, Lexie takes his hand off of her and reaches over the bedside table grabbing an envelope with Mark's name on it. She hands it to him noting the look of confusion on his face. Nodding for him to open it, he takes his hand away and opens it to find ultrasound pictures and a letter that falls out._

_"I was going to give this to Derek to give to you before I leave for California next week," Lexie says watching as he looks at the ultrasound pictures in awe. No matter how many times she looked at the photos she felt as though she was in a dream, she understood how he was feeling by looking at them. "Just in case you changed your mind about wanting to be involved," she adds quietly, watching as he looks up at her with a look of surprise on his face._

_Shrugging her shoulders at the silent question in the room, she just calmly looks up at him and says, "I know you Mark. You're not a bad guy. I figured you'd come around eventually."_

_"Thank you." He starts to take the pictures out of the envelope before his mind catches up with what she had said before. "What do you mean before you leave for California? You're still moving?"_

_"Well… yes. I already have everything ready to go," Lexie says watching as Mark narrows his eyes at her in anger._

_"And what? You were just going to leave me a letter, some pictures, without saying goodbye? Do I really mean that little to you Lex?"_

_Taking a deep breath as the weight of that last statement hits her like a punch in the stomach, Lexie just shakes her head several times in anger. "No! Don't you dare! Don't you dare say that!" Lexie speaks up, causing Mark to take a step back and watch as tears start streaming down her face. "Because it's too damn hard! I can't ever begin to explain to you how much i'm going to miss you. When I think about not seeing you everyday, it makes me not want to go...okay, so if you think that I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong." Wiping some of her tears away, she keeps her head down as she keeps talking, "It's because you mean more to me. So there, all right, there's your goodbye."_

_"God, baby," Mark says moving his hands to cup her neck lightly and lift her face up. Her cheeks were stained with tears, her eyes red with sadness._  
><em>"I can't do this anymore, Mark. I can't keep seeing you and knowing that we can't ever do anything about this situation."<em>  
><em>"Yes, we can, Lex. You just won't let us do anything. You won't let go. God, I still love you."<em>

_"I can't..." Mark cuts her off by covering her lips with his. Lexie stood still, but the sensations of his lips sucking on her bottom lip, his tongue tracing it... It all came back to her. That fire in her belly that had kindled came roaring back to life. Before she knew what she was doing she was responding to his kiss, her hand clutching the soft fabric of his shirt and pulling him closer to her making sure there wasn't any room between them._  
><em>"God, I missed you." He said as he made his way down her neck and picked her up with so much gentleness her eyes started to water again. Her hands found their way to his hair, her nails scraping his scalp as she tilted her head more to the side to grant him more access. He continued roaming her neck and leading her lightly towards the bed and laying her down again. Pulling away lightly, but keeping his face near hers as their noses nuzzled each other, he feels her breaths finally calm down after a few minutes. Giving her one last kiss, he pulls back watching as she opens her eyes looking up at him curiously.<em>

_"Mark…" she whispers, looking up at him watching as he lays down beside her and pulls her so he's spooning her rubbing soothing circles on her stomach. Her mind was running a million miles a minute. What did this mean? How could they make it work? Was he expecting her to stay?_

_"Shhh.." he says from behind her, still feeling her tense posture he whispers in her ear, "Relax Little Grey. We have all the time in the world to talk about this later."_

_[End of flashback]_

* * *

><p>"She's beautiful Mark," Carolynn whispers as she looks over at her surrogate son's baby girl sleeping in her crib. Her room was all purple and pink, she could tell Mark went all out on everything. She wasn't surprised, she'd always known he'd make a wonderful father. He was pretty good at hiding his soft side to everyone, except her. From the day he came home with Derek, she'd seen an innocence to him that made her want to take him and and protect him from the world he was put into. She made sure when he was growing up he was just as an important part of her life as Derek was. In her eyes, they were her sons, and they were brothers.<p>

"Thank you," Mark whispers as they keep looking at his daughter for a few more minutes before sneaking out of her room quietly and going to the living room to turn on the monitor as they sat on the couch together.

"Derek's at work right now," Mark says looking back up at her seeing her nod at his statement.

"I know. Meredith told me he'd either be here or at work," Carolynn responds watching Mark's eyes widen at her mention of her being at Meredith's place. "What? Surprised I went to see her?"

"Uh - yeah.. A little bit. Does Derek know you're home or did you just decide to surprise attack all of us?" he asks, smirking at the end of his question already knowing the answer to the question by the look on her face. She planned this sneaky trip on them for a reason. He just had to figure out what she had up her sleeve before she did anything.

"Me? Surprise attack? Never!" Carolynn responds dramatically as she avoids eye contact and reaches down to take a sip of the tea Mark had made for her when she arrived. "I just wanted to see my two new grandbabies. Two girls? Wow, you boys are going to have your hands full if they are anything like the two of you," she says smirking at the thoughtful look that came over Mark's face as the weight of her statement hit him.

"Sofia's not dating till she's 40." Mark responded causing Carolynn to burst out in laughter. His frown deepened as he realized how ridiculous his statement just sounded out loud.

"Oh Mark, don't fret you have almost 16 years before you have to worry about any of this," Carolynn responds patting her son's knee trying to comfort him as she tries to keep her giggles in.

"Okay, what are you really doing here? Not that we don't love having you of course," Mark response quickly after his question as he watches his mom raise one eyebrow at him, not buying his quick save.

"I figured you boys needed some motherly time right now, you know with you chasing both the Grey girls away and all," she responds, putting her cup down watching as Mark's jaw dropped in shock. "Since you inherited your father's bullheaded stubbornness, Lord knows you need all the help you can get."

"Mom, I don't know what you've been told but -"

Cutting him off Carolynn just raises her hand, "Lexie called me."

If Mark was going to say anything at that moment, it was gone. His mind had just been wiped blank. Lexie? His Lexie? Who'd been gone for the longest month of his entire life it seemed, called his mom? What did she tell her?

"She was concerned about you," Carolynn just responds answering his questions he hadn't verbalized yet. "She said that, she hurt you pretty badly - you both hurt each other it seemed. And she was worried. About you. She said you probably wouldn't be taking good care of yourself, you would be putting all your energy on Sofia, and since she couldn't take care of you both right now - she just wanted someone to make sure you guys were okay."

When she finished speaking, his heart felt as if it was going to come out of his chest at how fast it was beating. His ears were buzzing, and he tried to calm his breathing down.

"The girl's in love with you Marcus," Carolynn keeps talking, watching as her son closed his eyes, his face in noticeable anguish. "...But I think you already knew that didn't you?"

Nodding his head, as if his vocal cords had all of the sudden stopped working - Mark can feel his composure start to slip when he sees the look of love and concern that was etched on his surrogate mom's face. Then, as if everything he'd been holding in had hit him all of the sudden - the dams break. Before his first tear even falls, his mom's arms are right there around him holding him the only way she knew how to comfort him, she just let him let everything out.

"Marcus, listen to me," Carolynn says as she lifts her son's head up and wipes his tears away with her thumbs, amazed at how young he looked in front of her at that moment, she could have sworn he was still the six year old little boy who used to sneak in her room to sleep on the floor beside her bed when his nightmares would take over. "Imagine if you had given up years ago, your daughter wouldn't be here right now. Imagine all the beautiful things you will be missing out on if you give up now," she says watching as he nods in agreement and leans back on the couch in exhaustion.

"I believe that for every trial and tribulation, there is a solution. You feel heavy and burned right now because you have yet to see the solution my dear. It isn't that the road isn't there. It's just that - at the moment, you can't see out of your windshield. Your vision is blocked. But have trust that the road is there in front of you," she finishes as she watches him run his hands through his hair in an effort to compose himself.

"She'll come back to you, don't lose faith." Carolynn says standing up to head towards the guest room she was staying in.

Mark just picks up the letter he'd read over a million times the last month and opens it back up, his eyes watering as he hears her familiar voice reciting it in his head.

_"Mark,_

_I've been trying to write this letter for a while now. The kind you said you'd never received. The kind I've been working on my whole life. All my life I felt like there was some part of me that was missing. I felt like everyone could tell, like there was some hole in me and everyone could see right through it. Like I wasn't finished or something. Except you. When you came along, you made me whole. I've taken a lot of you for granted._

_And I know in the past I've caused you pain and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for all of it. I'll always be sorry until the day I die. _

_I hate this paper in my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter 'cause it's not the whole truth because the whole truth is so much more than a single letter can ever say. I came here because I was running away, cause I wanted to be alone. Instead I kept thinking of you and how you weren't taking anything in life for granted. _

_I __hope you get all the moments you deserve. I hope you go back to New York and sit in the met in the room with the painting of the Hudson river, and I hope when you do, you take Sofia with you cause I know she'd love it. I'm sorry if I've made your life complicated. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but most of all, I'm sorry that I never got the chance to tell you that, no matter what happens next, I'll never be anything but grateful for every moment I spent with you. And even though I keep fumbling for the right words, all I really wanted to say was thank you._

_If you wanna hate me, go ahead. If you wanna burn this letter, do it. You can burn the whole world down, you can tell me to go to hell. I'd go if you wanted me to. And I'd send you a letter from there too._

_Love,  
><em>

_Lexie."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Holy Crap it's been forever since I updated this! So sorry guys! I noticed I got a lot of subscribers and story alerts, so thank you guys for keeping up on this story! :) Please leave a comment if you read this, your comments always make my day. And of course, I will try and not take so long for the next update, I'm already working on the next chapter. And if you have time check out my other two stories "The Other Grey's Anatomy" and "Five Stages of Grieving". Thanks!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4:<strong>

Vaguely aware of the painful crick on her neck, Sadie heard someone whispering her name as she was shaken out of her slumber. Disoriented, she smelled disinfectant that made her stomach churn and winced as her eyes opened to bright white lights that were blinding in the midst of her headache. The blurred faces of her old co-workers jolted her awake as the events of the last few hours hit her all at once and she realized where she was, and why she was there.

"Oh my god… Where's Lexie?" She asked rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, sitting up watching as they sat in front of her.

"She's still with the doctor, we told them we were here, he should be coming out soon to talk to us," Meredith responded, watching as Sadie nodded mutely.

Mark still looked like he was in shock over the whole thing, making Sadie's heart break a little for the poor guy. He and Lexie hadn't had the smoothest road in their relationship, but she always had a soft spot in her heart for them.

"What happened Sadie? Last I heard, Lexie called saying she was coming home. She sounded so much better..."

Nodding as she swallowed back some of her tears. "She just had a headache. She was so excited to get back to Seattle, and work things out with Mark. I should have remembered headache was one of the warning signs of a seizure with her preeclampsia. I'm so sorry.."

Sobbing as if she couldn't hold it back any longer, Sadie felt Mark put his arm around her comfortingly.

* * *

><p><em>[Flashback:]<em>

_"Lexie!" _

_Sadie dropped to the floor as soon as she saw Lexie's knees buckle and her fall on the ground. Her immediate reaction was to try and wake her but her body was rigid and started to convulse. Suddenly, light foam started to gather at her lips and her jaw tightened as her eyes rolled to the back of her head. _

_Frantically, Sadie ran to the kitchen and grabbed the phone to try and call 911. _

_"I need an ambulance stat," she yells to the operator. "My friend is 20 weeks pregnant, and she's having a seizure!" Her heart was beating so loudly she could barely focus on the questions the operator was asking her. She watched as after a few moments Lexie's body went slack and her head lolled to the side. She tried to put her fingers to her neck to find a pulse. When she couldn't find it, she laid her head on her chest listening and feeling for some type of oxygen exchange. _

_"Oh my god, Lexie - please wake up," Sadie whispered desperately. _

_After what seemed like years the EMS crew showed up and began to administer care to Lexie while Sadie stood back and watched in a daze as they laid her on the stretcher and hurried out of the house onto the back of the ambulance. She jumped into her car, whispering silent prayers to herself; she grabbed her phone and started to dial Meredith's number as she drove behind the ambulance towards the hospital. _

* * *

><p><em>The bright hallway light hit Mark's face as the on-call room door is opened and a woman walks in. Hoping she'd take the cue and go away, he lays his arm on top of his eyes and covers it, neither one making any sound of acknowledgement towards each other. The tension in the room is crackling with nerves as he feels her stare burning into him. All of the sudden, he feels a rush of cold air on his body as the woman pulls the covers off of him in annoyance, breaking the silence. <em>

_"Get up."_

_Meredith demands, watching as Mark gives her a look of confusion from the bed he was laying in._

_"Get up, Mark."_

_She repeats herself, adding a glare to the end of her statement._

_"We're going to Los Angeles. Now."_

_She states, crossing her arms defiantly. _

_"Did you hit your head or something because, I don't remember agreeing to any of this?" Mark says with a sigh of annoyance at the end. _

_Grabbing the pillow from the bunk above, Meredith starts hitting him with it - "Lexie needs you Mark. Whether or not she admits it, let's go. NOW."_

_"No she doesn't Grey, she made it perfectly clear how little she actually does need me, actually."_

_Hitting him again, several times before he sits up and angrily grabs the pillow from her. _

_"What the hell? Do you make it a habit of hitting people when you don't get your way? God, no wonder Derek's crashing at my place." _

_Pursing her lips in an effort to hold her anger in, Meredith can't help but release a small growl from her throat as she feels her body warm up from all the emotions flying around her. She told Sadie it was a bad idea to corner Mark into going down there. He hadn't been the nice Mark that she'd grown to know and love when Lexie was with him. He was starting to go back to his old, asshole, shut-off-from the world ways and it made her want to deck him every time she saw him being a dick towards people. The only time he was back to Lexie's Mark was when he was around Sofia, Carolynn or Zola, which she was extremely grateful for. At least she knew he hadn't turned himself over completely. But she could understand where he was coming from, she remembered a point in her and Derek's relationship when she thought it was better for everyone if they just gave up and stopped trying to fight to stay together. She naively thought that it was supposed to be easy when you found the right person. Now, she knew all couples have to wade through hard stuff in relationships, the only difference between those that stayed together and those that didn't is they didn't let the hard stuff keep their relationship down. _

_"Stop being an asshole Mark, my relationship with my husband is not any of your concern, maybe you should worry about your own relationship with your girlfriend who is in the hospital in LA right now because she tried to come back to you and she was supposed to be on bed rest." _

_Sitting up quickly in fear, Mark looks over at Meredith's angry expression, "Oh god.. is she okay? Is the baby okay?" _

_"As far as I know, but I haven't heard from her or Sadie for over an hour. And Sadie's not family so they're not giving her much so I'm catching the red-eye in an hour to LAX. Now you're either with me, or you're not so what's it going to be?"_

_[End of flashback]_

* * *

><p>"Family for Alexandra Grey?"<p>

A young male doctor spoke out to the waiting room.

Quickly, Mark, Meredith and Sadie stood up and scrambled over to where he was, holding their breath in anticipation.

"Her blood pressure skyrocketed in such a short amount of time, that with her pre-eclampsia her body was forced into an epileptic shock. We've put her on a high dose of magnesium sulfate in order to lower her blood pressure and make sure she doesn't have any other seizures. However, if she doesn't respond to treatment in the next few hours, I'm afraid our only option will be an emergency C-section in order to save her life."

"What about the risks to the child, it's too soon for a c-section isn't it?" Meredith croaked in fear as she imagined a 20 week old infant trying to survive. She'd done a neonatal rotation in med school. She knew the odds were stacked against them right now.

Mark stood there trying to listen as the doctor told him just how serious Lexie's condition was. But with how fast his heart was beating, his voice had started to sound farther and farther away. The look of sympathy the doctor gave them after that last question answered any hesitations he may have had about the danger this pregnancy entailed for his Lexie.

"At this point, it's a waiting game, I can tell you the longer the baby stays inside Ms. Grey the safer that child will be, however it's at a risk to her own health."

"Will she be alright, will she be able to recover from all this?" Sadie asked, sitting down as tears welled up in her eyes.

"If her blood pressure increases again, she could have another seizure or worse – a stroke. But we're doing everything we can to monitor both her and the fetus for signs of distress and we're prepared to take action if either one of their conditions worsens. It's extremely important that Ms. Grey remains calm and not brought on any stress whatsoever. We need to put off delivery as close to her due date as possible, she'll be on strict hospital watch and bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy."

Nodding in understanding Meredith asked the question they were all waiting to ask. "Can we see her?"

"Yes. But she needs to stay calm, so you must not do anything to upset her."

Mark buried his face in his hands trying to will himself to keep calm. Lexie needed him now more than ever. And he would die before ever letting her think she or their baby weren't the most important things in the world to him.

* * *

><p>Pausing outside of Lexie's room, Mark debated whether or not he should go inside. What if him just being there upset her? Did she even want him around? He knew Meredith said she was on her way back to Seattle to see him, but he wasn't sure if that was something said in the heat of the moment or if she really was on her way back to him.<p>

His hand rested on the door handle, he leaped back as Meredith stepped out glancing at him curiously probably wondering why he hadn't gone inside yet.

"She would want you in there with her Mark," Meredith said as she walked by him, squeezing his shoulder in a gesture of support before walking away and pulling out her phone in what he assumed was to call Derek to check on the girls.

Walking into her room Mark pulled up a chair beside her bed, holding her hand and watching as she slept peacefully, her hand that had an IV attached to it was resting on top of her belly protectively. She looked so small, and fragile surrounded by all the medical equipment, the squiggly red line come out of the machine next to her was monitoring their baby. Suddenly he watched as her eyes fluttered open, looking around and finally landing on him in confusion.

"How are you feeling?" He asked leaning over to give her a kiss on the forehead.

Pulling back, he notices her squeeze his hand lightly as he sits down next to her.

"_Confused_. My head doesn't hurt anymore. Are my feet still swollen?"

Lifting up her covers, he looks at her feet feeling for any kind of water retention. He looks back up at her and shakes his head, noticing her sigh of relief as she lays back down against the pillows.

"What happened?"

"You had a seizure. Sadie called an ambulance. They put you on a magnesium sulfate drip to try and lower your blood pressure."

"Is the-?"

"The baby's fine. We got ourselves a fighter here. Just like his momma."

She fell back against the pillow, feeling a tremendous amount of relief as she closed her eyes. She didn't have the energy to do anything but sit back and thank whatever higher power was out there that her baby was okay.

"I'm so glad you're here Mark," Lexie said, looking at him as her eyes started watering.

"Hey, _hey_ no crying Lex. No getting upset. You know there's no where else I'd rather be, baby" Mark responded, kissing away her tears feeling the sadness drip out of her.

Laughing lightly as happiness flowed through her, Lexie tightened her grip on him making an effort to keep herself calm for their baby.

His elbows were on the edge of the bed and he was so close to her she could feel his breath on her face. He was nervous. She could tell by how shallow his breaths were and how tightly he was holding on to her hand. She didn't know how she could make a man like Mark nervous, but it always awed her.

"I love you Lex. I don't know when I fell so deep in love with you. Maybe it was the first time I looked at you across that bar and you spouted off the periodic table of elements from memory for me. Or the first time you came to my hotel room and gave yourself to me. Or maybe it was watching you fight for our child's life. And then fight for my daughter_. It doesn't matter_. I love you. I'm in love with you. That's all. I hope it's enough for you."

Her heart felt like it was being squeezed in her chest, as she closed her eyes savoring the feeling of his words hitting her.

"I love you too Mark. And you've always been enough for me. More than enough."

The smiled they shared between them was interrupted as their baby rolled around in Lexie's stomach causing her to grab Mark's hand and put it on her stomach in excitement.

The smile that lit up his face was enough to make her heart melt. "_Is that?"_

"Yeah," Lexie responded knowing what Mark was going to say. "He's moving around in there."

"He?"

"Well. _Yeah._ Mother's instinct and all," Lexie mumbled a slight blush taking over her cheeks.

"You'll be a great mom, Lex." Mark mumbled as he kissed her again in reassurance. "We'll be fine. Don't worry about anything."

Nodding in acceptance, she closed her eyes as she felt him sit down beside her again. She knew odds and sciences were against her right now. But science was not the total answer; this was something she learned in her life. And left her with the belief that miracles, no matter how inexplicable or unbelievable, were real and could occur without regard to the natural order of things

And if children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope?

We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up or fight like hell.


End file.
